Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You need Xanax blowdarts
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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