Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
