Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
