somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bring money and cleavage
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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