Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
