I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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