I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
