boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
