wanna go halves on a baby?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
