Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
