After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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