I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
