It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize