I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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