Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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