the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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