i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
