i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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