he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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