In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
