I'm gonna have a badass scar
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
