im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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