Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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