she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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