I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just high enough for therapy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
