I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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