It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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