After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
