Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
