Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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