He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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