Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
