He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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