Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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