Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
