Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
