I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
