i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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