Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
