Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
