I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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