I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize