Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
