He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm like, not good at living.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
