totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
