oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
