Heybabeimwearingurpanties
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
