where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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