i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
