so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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