moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
