I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize