Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
