Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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