mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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