They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
