hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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