I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
