some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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