its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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