Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
