wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
