dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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