yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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