feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize