the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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