What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
