Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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