is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
