My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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