Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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