that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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