The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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