I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
