my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
