she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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