Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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