Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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