i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will be naked everywhere
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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