she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
