this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
