I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize